Dream girls can be a nightmare
When Cole stays up past his bedtime, he discovers that his hot babysitter is part of a Satanic cult that will stop at nothing to keep him quiet.
A 12-year-old boy, Cole, is amorously infatuated with his teenage babysitter, Bee, because he’s a 12-year-old boy and because she’s wildly inappropriate around him. The plot set-up is very contrived and requires no mental dexterity, so if you’re looking for a movie to do anything but require you to sit and drool, this film isn’t for you. If you’re just looking for a fun, simple horror comedy, (not “Zombieland”-level horror comedy, more like “Scary Movie 3”-level horror comedy), then this is right in your wheelhouse. There are a lot of colors and flashy on-screen text and scenes of half-naked women, which will surely keep your mind thinking “Ooh, look! Pretty!” What else could be expected from a director with only one name – McG. Seriously? McG. Might as well have called yourself McLovin, because this is the type of film I would expect from a freshly pubescent teenager with little imagination and the inability to think beyond his little head.
The focus centers around Cole and the entire film takes place over the course of one night in which Bee is babysitting Cole while his parents are away. After sending Cole to bed with a shot of liquor, Bee invites her equally one-dimensional friends over to Cole’s house. Her friends consist of flat, derivative characters; they’re stereotypes of stereotypes: A jock, a cheerleader, a token black guy, a nerd, and a Goth. During a superficially innocent-looking game of “spin the bottle”, Bee reveals the group’s true intentions by stabbing the nerdy teen in the head with two knives. The remaining teens gather around him and proceed to fill their cups with – and drink – the blood pouring out of his head. This is all part of some satanic ritual to fulfill the greedy wishes of the group, (popularity, strength, vanity, blah, blah, blah). Cole witnesses the human sacrifice and the remainder of the film sees him trying to escape from and survive the murderous teens.
Since the film is satire, it doesn’t necessarily “need” to do anything but provide comical entertainment, but is it too much to ask for that humor to be somewhat original? When I sit down to a horror comedy, I start watching with the expectation set by “Zombieland”, “What We Do in the Shadows”, or “Tucker and Dale vs. Evil”. This film falls more in line with “Haunted House” or “Madea’s Halloween” or the later “Scary Movie” films. I understand the satire but I don’t understand who the film was made for. There must be some target demographic that finds entertainment in this kind of humor, but I’ve never met any of those people. I have to assume the studios felt the same way considering the film was recorded and then shelved for two years before eventually being released as a “Netflix Original”. This is the kind of movie you put on in the background of a Halloween party when you know no one is watching it, because anyone going to that party with the intention of watching a horror movie, or even horror comedy, would surely rather watch something else.
This film released almost simultaneously with another horror comedy based on a blonde babysitter watching a 12-year-old boy – “Better Watch Out” – and if I had to choose between watching either of them again, I would rather sit quietly with the TV off for an hour and a half. Honestly, I would probably rather watch “The Babysitter”, because I can’t deal with the cringe-inducing sound of that kid’s voice in “Better Watch Out” again. So, that’s one positive point in this movie’s favor – it’s not as bad as “Better Watch Out”. I know this is not a legitimate horror movie, but it is a horror comedy, and I will be rating it as such.
This movie is…
Sorry, McLovin. Your McMovie was McAwful.
Cheers and goodnight.
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