Set in the 1920s, ‘The Lodgers’ centers around a pair of twins, Rachel and Edward, who live alone in a decrepit mansion in rural Ireland. They keep to themselves and only venture from the safety of their estate once a week to gather groceries, and never at night. Rumors about the twins are abundant – as is no surprise given the rural area – and as a result, the people of the town either dislike the twins or stay away from them entirely. All except one young man who has taken an interest in Rachel and decides he wants to be with her, regardless of the rumors or risk. That’s right, this is a damn romance drama. Get settled in because I’m not going to cut this movie any slack. Once again, I have fallen victim to false advertising and deceptive marketing suckering me into watching a non-horror movie under the guise of it being a horror movie.

The movie opens with creepy song lyrics displayed on the screen and the revelation that the twins are being monitored and ruled by some evil force that lives under the house. These things are merely smoke and mirrors designed to trap you into believing you’re about to watch a horror movie. In fact, what you’re about to watch is a steaming pile of crap unfold on your television screen. I’m going to spoil the whole thing right now. The “evil force” under the house are just ghosts of the rest of the twin’s entire family. See, the twins descend from a long line of incestuous lunatics who all believed they had to breed with their siblings in order to retain some sort of “pure” bloodline. In actuality this would have resulted in serious health issues and deformity, but fuck logic – it’s a romantic drama! Each generation birthed twin boys and girls who would continue the disgusting tradition.

When Rachel’s suitor discovers the truth, he attempts to stop her brother from “doing the nasty” with her but instead finds himself dead due to the most random series of events I’ve ever witnessed. When they are only steps away from the front door, Rachel starts walking backward until she falls in the hole in the floor leading under the house. Why did she do this? Who knows! Her boyfriend then jumps in the hole to rescue her, but in doing so gets pulled underwater by the spirits of the twins’ family. Rachel then resurfaces OUTSIDE IN THE LAKE. She goes back into the house that she’s been trying to escape literally throughout the entire movie and wakes up her brother – you know, the one that was trying to rape her – and lets him know her boyfriend is dead. Edward then asks if that means they can finally be together (what?!) but Rachel tells him “No man we’re related gtfo”, or something to that extent.

The atmosphere, acting, and setting were all brilliantly portrayed and I think if this had actually been written as a horror movie, it would have been decent. However instead we are given this weird romance and falsely advertised sub-horror undertone that ultimately results in a giant waste of talent for everyone involved and waste of time for everyone viewing. Never mind the convoluted plotline and confusing scenes that contradict key moments previously shown in the movie; I’m more upset at the fact that I wasted hours of my life watching something that wasn’t even a horror movie. In the end, look at this review as a warning so you don’t make the same mistake I did.

This movie is…

Stupid romantic drama mucking up my horror movie viewing time.

Cheers and goodnight.