‘Nine Dead’ starts off with nine people getting kidnapped “Jigsaw” style off the street and brought to a room where they are chained in place. The masked kidnapper tells them every ten minutes one of them will be randomly killed unless they figure out what they all have in common. Melissa Joan Hart is the center of attention through the entirety of the film, unfortunately her acting is as poor as the budget for this movie. Aside from cut-away’s to memories, the whole movie takes place in this room. Just nine people in a room talking to each other. What a great idea.

It sucks…

1. After the initial kidnap scenes are over, there is no more suspense. Sure, the killer comes in every ten minutes and kills someone, but there’s nothing else to it. The guy just walks in and boom. Dead. I got to where I was looking forward to him coming back so I wouldn’t have to listen to this group of immature idiots bicker back and forth.

2. Even though this movie was promoted as a “thriller”, even a “horror” in some cases. It is obviously just a “Crime/Drama”. False advertising at its finest. With that being the case, it shouldn’t really even be on this list, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t make the same mistake I did.

3. It’s predictable. Hell, I don’t know if I can even call it that because you hear everything everyone says, and with nothing left to the imagination, you conclude on your own the big “mystery” of the movie long before the movie ends. Meanwhile you’re just waiting for the rest of the morons in the room to figure it out so the movie can be over.

4. The acting in this movie is so bad that it belongs on public access television. I don’t know what I expected with Sabrina the Teenage Witch as the biggest name in the movie, but it wasn’t this.

5. Melissa Joan Hart kills everyone in the end and leaves the building. What the hell kind of an ending is that?! She just shoots the killer, shoots the remaining survivors, and walks out of the building. That’s it. That’s the whole movie.

In closing, stay far away from this garbage. It’s not worth anyone’s time. Unless you have a “Sabrina” fetish, I guess. Eww…

This movie is…
Avoid this one.

Cheers and goodnight.